


Loose Ends

by mdr_24601



Series: you're not alone at the table anymore [4]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Gen, No Incest, Pre-Canon, Vanya Hargreeves-centric, no beta we die like ben
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 09:01:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26849335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mdr_24601/pseuds/mdr_24601
Summary: Ben and Vanya had a plan.Before he died and the very fabric of their lives was unraveled, they had a plan.------“You’ll get into music school,” Ben was saying, looking at her over his open novel. “They’d be stupid not to take you.”Vanya hid behind her bangs. “You have to come, too. Study literature while I study music. We can get an apartment together and everything.”
Relationships: Ben Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves
Series: you're not alone at the table anymore [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1958572
Comments: 10
Kudos: 73





	Loose Ends

Vanya’s fingers ached as she pushed her violin strings down again and again, but she didn’t stop. Stinging fingers and calluses were worth it if it meant she got to be extraordinary at something, even something as ordinary as the violin. Vaguely, she could hear the shuffling of pages as Ben turned another page in his book. 

Her fingers stilled as she set her violin down, resting her arms. “How many more times are you going to read that?” she asked. Ben looked up. 

“It’s a classic. You should read it with me sometime, Van, you’d like it.”

Something in her swelled at the invitation. “Okay,” Vanya replied softly, content to end the conversation there. She and Ben had been spending more time in the library as of late, but still, she didn’t dare get her hopes up. 

“You sound good,” Ben said after a moment. “Your violin.”

“Oh.” A part of her was surprised that he was even interested in continuing the conversation, and she fumbled awkwardly for something to say. “Thank you. It’s this new piece I’ve been working on. I just can’t seem to get it right.”

Ben closed his book, the worn spine creaking as he did so. “Play it again. I’ll tell you what I think.”

Vanya tried to mask her bemusement as she picked up her violin again, poised and ready on her shoulder. Her bow glided across the strings and her eyes fluttered shut until it was only her and the music and the stinging of her fingers. Distracted, she didn’t notice the way her bow slipped and fumbled across the strings until the violin let out an unappealing screech. “Sorry,” she muttered, quickly setting the instrument down. “I don’t know why that happened.”

“It’s okay,” he replied, and she even believed him for a moment. “You sounded great until then.” Vanya smiled shyly again, the movement so foreign to her muscles that she barely managed a small tug at the corners of her mouth. Ben spoke up again. “Have you ever thought about your future? Life after this place?”

She blinked in surprise. “Not really. I guess I always thought I’d turn eighteen and find a job somewhere, maybe try to get into college.”

“You could do it,” he told her seriously. Ben always had a way with words that made whatever he was saying feel believable, no matter how inconceivable the notion was. 

“If anyone’s going to college, it’s you,” she replied, recalling the various books she’d seen him devour over childhood. The only other likely candidate would have been Five, but she kept that part to herself. 

He shifted his gaze downward, and said nothing. 

“Sorry,” Vanya said instinctively. She’d upset him somehow, that much was clear, though she wasn’t sure exactly why his expression darkened so suddenly. 

“Don’t be,” Ben said quickly. “I was just thinking about, well...you know. The Horror might not enjoy ordinary life so much.”

She bristled at the word ordinary. Vanya was sixteen years old and she still considered it to be the worst word she knew, and really, how sad was that?

“I guess I haven’t thought about that,” she said after a moment, nodding. Powers as destructive as Ben’s would likely make trouble in the ordinary world, although she spent her whole life believing that having volatile powers was better than having nothing at all. Even Allison’s Rumor or Five’s teleportation could be an asset in everyday life, but things like Ben’s Horror and Klaus’ ghosts might do more harm than good. 

“It’s okay, really,” he said, shoulders slumped in a way that suggested he was resigned to his fate. “I’ll make do, right?”

“Of course,” Vanya replied, sending him what she hoped was an encouraging smile. “You’ll be okay, Ben.”

* * *

Vanya spent the next few days poring over books in the library, researching colleges and resources for when she’d turn eighteen. Her siblings had training and were constantly busy with their responsibilities as superheroes, working as a team, as a family, to defeat whatever evil had come up. Many times, she found herself wishing to be included, no matter what her power may be. She’d switch places with Ben in an instant, taking his tentacles over her ordinariness any day. 

Still, though, college was an ordinary pursuit for ordinary people, so nobody tried to stop her.

The library was silent save for the occasional sound of shuffling as pages turned. Vanya was so engrossed in her book that she didn’t notice another person sit down beside her.

“Hey,” Ben said, his hair still damp from his shower after training. He opened his book and asked, “Make any progress on looking for schools?”

“I don’t know,” she sighed, leaning back in her chair. “I don’t even know what I want to do. I have the violin but I don’t even know if music school is what I want, or if I can even get in.”

“You’ll get into music school,” Ben was saying, looking at her over his open novel. “They’d be stupid not to take you.”

“Maybe,” she said, not entirely convinced. 

“Besides, if you get into music school,” Ben began, his expression bright with hope, “I can go to school near you. It’ll be gratifying to finally be out of the house, don’t you think?”

Her breath caught in her throat at the possibility that Ben might actively enjoy her company enough to want to go to college near her. Regardless, though, he was right; getting out of the mansion and as far away from the Academy as possible was a gratifying thought. 

Vanya hid behind her bangs. “You have to come, too. Study literature while I study music. We can get an apartment together and everything.”

He grinned at her. “You can play the violin while I read. And we can go get donuts whenever we want without having to sneak out.”

Excited laughter bubbled in her chest. There was something so nice about the way Ben said _we_ , the word falling naturally from his lips. Entertaining fantasies for the time being while they waited for dinner made Vanya feel warm inside, for once. Even if they were only fantasies. 

“It’s a nice idea,” she said softly, eyes downcast. 

“It doesn’t have to be just an idea,” he said, looking at her seriously, taking this newfound dream of theirs seriously. “It’s not long before we’re eighteen, and we have to leave the house at some point. Why not plan ahead a little?”

“I guess it couldn’t hurt to plan a little.”

Ben smiled, warm and friendly. “There you go. In the meantime, check out this line I just read. I think you’d like it.”

Vanya wasn’t sure how long she and Ben spent in the library, talking and reading. Only that both of their heads snapped up when the dinner bell rang through the house. The library was a ways away from the dining room, and Reginald Hargreeves didn’t tolerate tardiness. 

“Oh, no,” she whispered, chest tight with panic. Her father would likely pay her no attention, but for Ben, a slip up such as being late to dinner could warrant extra training. Vanya had come to learn that training wasn’t usually a good thing, especially for Ben. 

“It’s okay,” he said hurriedly. “Hey, Van, race you to the table!”

He took off running, past the endless array of bookshelves and down the tiled hallway, down the big staircase, skidding to a stop at the entrance of the dining room. Vanya ran as fast as her legs could carry her, anxiety forgotten, but not managing to win. Still, they made it to the table just before their father entered the room. Ben grinned at her from across the table. 

During dinner, when her attention wasn’t focused down at her plate, Ben would nudge her foot gently and give her a smile. 

* * *

She should have known that it wouldn’t last. Really, it was quite stupid of her to have forgotten. Although she was ordinary, her siblings were superheroes, and that included Ben. It was only natural that they get called away to a mission.

“Be safe, okay?” she whispered into his shoulder, right before he was due to leave. The past few months had felt like something out of a dream. “Come back safely so we can figure out how to apply for schools.”

“I’ll be okay,” Ben replied. “The mission shouldn’t be very dangerous. I’ll come back and you can play your violin for me, and I’ll tell you how great you are.”

She managed a small laugh at that. “Good luck.”

“You, too.”

They jumped apart at the imposing bark of their father’s voice. “Number Six!”

Ben gave her a small wave before sprinting down the stairs to meet the others by the front door. Vanya watched from the landing as they filed out the door, Numbers One through Six of the esteemed Umbrella Academy. 

“They’ll be just fine, dear.” She startled a little at Mom’s voice. “Come into the kitchen. I’ll make you cookies and you can show me that new piece you’ve been working on.”

“Okay, Mom,” she replied softly. Grabbing her violin on the way to the kitchen, she made her way downstairs and began to play. 

One of the many things Vanya liked about the violin was how easy it was to get lost in it. The bite of the strings against her fingers, the bow gliding across the strings, the music filling the air; it was so easy to start playing and let everything else fade away. 

Her mother made cookies in the kitchen, humming a gentle melody as she worked. “That sounds beautiful, Vanya.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

The house was nearly empty without her siblings and father there to fill it, although the sensation was nothing new. Vanya was used to being alone, really, but that didn’t make it any easier. 

The night drew on and she felt her eyelids grow heavy, but she stayed awake. Vanya had made it a tradition to stay awake on mission nights so she could be awake when the others got home. Ben, and Five back when he was there, would update her on the mission details. They would talk late into the night, conversation straying from the mission to anything else on their minds. She missed those nights. 

Now, though, she was waiting for Ben to come home, so they could read or talk or plan for the future. Anything to distract him from whatever brutal deeds he’d been forced to do on the mission. 

Finally, the front door opened with a creak of the hinges, and Vanya all but leapt to her feet. Her eyes scanned the foyer, counting the silhouettes in the dark. One tall one, who was clearly Reginald, and then one, two, three, four...

No, something wasn’t right. Maybe she should count again. Dread pooled in her stomach as she got the same results. The lights flickered on, and she could see the faces of her siblings, horror stricken and utterly defeated. 

She knew before they even confirmed it. Her lips clumsily tried to form the words, “Where’s Ben?” It didn’t come out exactly as intended, but they got the message. The sad glances her way told her everything she needed to know. 

Her knees weak, she stumbled to the ground. It felt like someone had cleaved her heart in two, or taken a limb. Vanya’s fingers curled around the bottle of pills in her pocket. 

She didn’t think before she swallowed two dry.

* * *

The days following Ben’s funeral passed in a blurry haze. Most of the time, Vanya could hardly function as a person. Perhaps she wasn’t a person at all. How could one be, after everything that happened?

First Five and now Ben; she had lost her only two friends in the world. They were the bridge between her and her other siblings, but that bridge had been severed until all that was left was its crumbling remains. One, Two, Three, Four, Seven. It didn’t sound right. It wasn’t right. 

It took Vanya a week to retrieve Ben’s book from the library. It was his favorite, and he always insisted that she read it. She never did, for whatever reason. So Vanya settled on the couch and read the book cover to cover. Nobody interrupted her. 

It wasn’t a bad book, but what made it enjoyable was all the notes Ben scribbled into the margins. Little things about certain lines or characters, about her siblings or reminders to show her something. It was like carrying a piece of Ben with her. Vanya couldn’t decide if she liked it or hated it. 

She made her way back to her room, the book still clutched in her hands. She wasn’t sure she’d ever let go. Her feet carried her to Ben’s room, unchanged from how she had seen it last. It was like a shrine to her dead brother, but she felt compelled to at least stand in there a moment. 

A sound in the doorway alerted her to another presence. Klaus gazed at her, silent, his eyes bloodshot. Vanya spun around. “I was just…” she trailed off lamely. Ben’s book hadn’t left her hands. 

Klaus looked at her a long moment, then said, “It’s okay. You can stay in here.”

Tears welled up in her eyes. “I don’t even know what I’m doing. I'm sorry, I just—I saw the book, and it was always his favorite, so…”

“Keep it,” Klaus declared with a surprising amount of certainty. “He’d want you to have it, Vanny.”

She brought the book to her chest and sniffled a little. “Thanks. I guess I’ll go now.”

“Hey,” he said, reaching out for her arm, stopping her. “Haven’t heard your violin in a while. Are you still playing?”

“Yeah,” Vanya said, touched. He was probably just being polite but a part of her attributed it to care for her and her future, and she latched on to the kindness. “Yeah, I’m still playing.”

* * *

When Ben and Vanya turned eighteen, they were going to leave the house together, enroll in college, and start their future. 

When Vanya turned eighteen, she left the house alone. 

**Author's Note:**

> This was a sad one, but I had the idea and really wanted to write it, so here we are. I don't know if Ben and Vanya were canonically close as kids, but for the sake of this story, we'll just say they were. Apologies if this was out of character; I'm not very experienced in writing for this fandom and this was very self indulgent, so some of it may be wrong. 
> 
> Anyway, this was fun to write so I hope you enjoyed. Be sure to leave kudos or comment if you liked it, and thank you for reading. <3


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